Overcoming the past...

In the last few days my past has come back to haunt me.  It seems that life has a way of making this happen from time to time. Normally I would just sit back, have a few bad days and let it go.  But I can't and won't do that this time.  I have been having on and off again panic/anxiety attacks that last from a few mins. to a few hours.  And the worst part is, there is nothing wrong! It is my past, something I cannot change, something I have been trying to hide from and something that just is.  I won't go into details, but I made a huge mistake in 2002, and now it is impacting my life. Perhaps that is why I am having these feelings. Because I have been hiding from this one thing for so long. Only my family knows what this thing is, and it took me almost three years before I even told the hubby about it. But with the emergence of this thing into the forefront of my life, it has managed to drag up alot of feelings about many different things. The first one, and probably the most prominent, is fear. Fear that my past mistakes will impact my future. Everyone has a past (if they admit it or not), but how many can say that that past can still impact their lives?  It is an overwhelming feeling, and facing it has not been easy. Even now, my stomach is turning and my ears are burning. And all I am doing is thinking about it. The next feeling I am dealing with is anger. I am very angry with myself, with the simple fact that I made stupid decisions down the line and that I am letting them take me over like this. And finally I feel weak....so where to go from here? I guess it is time to let the past go.  I know my past isn't perfect, but I can't change it. If nothing else it has made me who I am today. And somehow that is a comforting thought.  I know that letting go of the past is easier said than done, but I am trying. Just by acknowledging that I can't fix it, or change it, helps. Today will happen, and tomorrow will come. All I can do is accept things the way they are and keep trying to do better than I have been doing. Surround myself with the people I love (and who love me), take a few deep breaths and just let go...I think I am feeling better.